edthechic's Xanga

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 04:42:39 GMT

so another year has come and gone, and i barely blogged here this past 2007.

so sad.

i remember when xanga was pretty much my connection with anyone i knew that wasn't in the same town as me.

now it's all myspace/facebook/friendster/vibe etc etc etc...

and i hate to admit it but i hardly read the long list of subscriptions i have anymore save for Rach's because they are so damn interesting most of the time.

anyway, still with J. still in the "new" house. still have 3 kitties. they don't hate each other as much anymore, but they still like to get into trouble.

my boobs are now smaller thanks to modern surgical technology. i kissed those DD's goodbye!

things are good.

which is scary. but good.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 00:20:54 GMT

so yeah, i'm still young (for a little while longer).

I don't claim to know everything, in fact there are still miles for me to walk along the educational highway...

but there are things that you learn in a life filled with experiences, both hidden and obvious...

you can either gather them up and try to see the good in all of it...

or you can hide and run away and expect the worst of everything.

So here's a few nuggets of, albeit obvious, wisdom that I think some people just need to be reminded of.

-Lies will always, ALWAYS come back to kick you in the ass. This goes for half-truths as well. If you're going to lie, at least accept the repercussions of said deception.

-It's never good to owe anyone anything, but if you do owe someone something, pay them back. In full. As promised. If you never intend to pay anyone back, at least have the decency to say so in the beginning. THEN DON'T TAKE THEIR MONEY.

-Sex is fun. But it's also not fun when you fuck the wrong people. Whether you believe it or not, you're now bonded with a human being that you may or may not ever want to see again. Just remember that the next time you hop into bed with someone new.

-Hurting yourself will NEVER EVER solve any problems or erase the pain. That relief that you feel will be but a passing moment and the scars will only remind you of your mistakes that took you there. Instead of hurting yourself, why don't you help someone else.

-Everything is good in moderation. Everything. Moderation. Even good things can turn bad when used in excess.

-You are not the only person that matters on the entire planet. Other people do exist and whether you realize it or not, your actions affect several of those who are involved both directly and indirectly in your life.

-There is no prince charming. There is no damsel in distress. There is just you and people who could be compatible with you to make both your lives better.

-Early to bed, early to rise may not make you healthy, wealthy or wise immediately, but it helps in the long run. Even if you HATE mornings like me, and despise getting up while it's still pre-noon, you feel alot more accomplished by the end of the day... and you may just actually be tired enough to sleep again!

-A degree isn't everything, but you can always benefit from learning something new every day whether or not it's laid out in a synopsis or course.

-If you wish for your life to be better, only you and you alone can make it better. It doesn't take money or power or love, all it takes is you making your life better. A concrete solid decision to move forward and not backward.

-Everybody falls. Not everyone has someone else to pick them back up, so every once in a while you might have to pick your own ass off the floor.

-Cleanliness isn't godliness... but it sure as hell is nice.

-Ignoring your problems will not make them go away. In fact, usually it makes them bigger and worse.

-Friends aren't always going to be nice to each other, but you know what? Real friends aren't usually going for "nice" they're going for "real".

more to be added later...

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 21:35:17 GMT

boring boring, my xanga's so boring...

whoa! hey! long time no see xanga friends... of course I'm sure most of you know my other bitching sites... myspace, facebook, deviant art... yeah. all you popular people who whore the internet like me in search of MORE INPUT.

a little bit has happened since I last entried, but I have moved into a 3 bedroom house in the Highland district of Shreveport. It's nice being close to everything again. I actually have digital cable and high speed internet again. It's niiiiiice. The curtains are new and so is a few items of furniture so the house is looking nicely. Paint on the walls should be coming soon. I always promise pictures of stuff and never post any so I'll just skip the promise of photo documentation and let you hope for some in the future. Maybe.

I've adopted 2 cats from a friend who needed a break from the fast life and headed out west. They are sweet kitties but unfortunately the younger female cat does NOT get along with my cat, Stella. I think it's because they are constantly angry over the fact that they look almost exactly alike. It's like two bimbos showing up to a party in the same dress that they can't change out of. Cat fight. Knocked over a few of my lamps, turned the TV on during the middle of the night and unplugged my stereo receiver. Damn cats. I like having 1. Three (technically 4 counting Lindsey's cat, Jackie) cats are just too many. I don't see how "cat ladies" do it except that they suffer along with no nice things. I like nice things too much. I like my furniture and my photos and my electronics. One cat I can deal with. One cat I can look after. Four... too many.

I'm currently working at the US Fencing Summer Nationals. I'm exhausted having been here since the 27th of June. We leave on Monday hopefully. I'm ready to be back in the house moving the rest of my stuff in (including the washer and dryer!) and planning out my itinerary for Denver. If everything goes well, I'll be visiting a few friends who recently moved up there.

I'm currently seeing someone. His name is J. He's a good boy. He's been pretty good to me. He's getting used to my "extreme"ness. I guess I have quite the outspoken and passionate nature, moreso than I already thought. But even still, he's a good man and a great boyfriend.

That's pretty much it. I can't wait to get home again.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 22:48:29 GMT

i have had it.

here is my laid out list for allowances i can have:

only ONE alcoholic drink per night I go out. if I drink more than one in a night, that counts for the next night I go out.
only TWO fast food meals per month (and for every fast food meal, another half hour of exercise should be added on to that day)
only ONE PACK of cigarettes per month (and if a half pack rolls over to next month DO NOT BUY ANOTHER PACK)
must eat some sort of vegetable and fruit EVERY DAY.
NO MORE BREAD! ....okay okay so I can't really give this up, but I am cutting down dammit!
i must exercise or do something aerobically stimulating for at least thirty minutes AT LEAST 3 times or more a week.
only 1 hour of online time at home per day. (I have to be online at work so why do I need to spend as much time online at home??)
unpack at least ONE box a day until all boxes are empty.

I am TIRED of not fitting into perfectly good jeans that I fit into only three years ago. There is no reason why a 25 year old, single, childless female should be 35 pounds overweight. I have NO excuse for sitting around doing nothing and then complaining about my clothes not fitting. I should not have to cry everytime I buy clothes and then a week later they don't fit. I should be happy with myself and I'm going to be happy with myself. I'm just going to have to WORK FOR IT. Gee! What a concept? Working to be happy? What a strange, foreign thought!

I'm a friggin genius!

The fat ass buck stops here.

I'm saying goodbye size 15, and hopefully in a few months, Hello my old size 9/10 friends!!!

oh and by the way... this is not some cry for people to say "ohhhh youre so pretty just the way you are..." HELL! Kirstie Alley can pull of pretty at any size and I'm pretty damn sure I can too. It's a matter of me kicking myself in my own ass and DOING what I keep TALKING about. It's about growing up. Really growing up and taking control of a life I've let just slip out of my hands. For the longest time I was offended by this guy who would always say that I was a cute girl but had the potential to be hot if I would only take care of myself... You know what? Sure it wasn't the best way to hand a compliment to a girl, but he is FUCKING RIGHT. It's a sad sad state that my poor body is in right now and it's all because I've neglected to take care of it. I wouldn't treat my own child like I treat myself... so there. That should clarify any misunderstandings that some might have with reading into what I'm saying.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 03:40:07 GMT

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
man, as much as I love egg nog (even virgin egg nog), I have to go with Hot Chocolate. Because nothing beats a steaming cup of marshmellow smothered hot chocolate on a cold cold night.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Well, present have always been wrapped. But there are always some of the ones that were too big to wrap. So they were always hidden. I was a non-Santa believer by the time I was 7.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
white. colored lights are usually not done tastefully and end up looking tacky. it takes talent to do it right. white lights are easiest.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
no. but my mom always used to hang a "Mistle Toad" which was a little green stuffed frog with mistletoe on his chest (not real) and a Santa hat on his head.

5. When do you put your decorations up?

I haven't really decorated for Christmas for myself in a while. But I always help my parents decorate their tree with my portion of the ornaments

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Green Bean Casserole! (Thanksgiving AND Christmas!!)

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
Just being with lots of family when we were all happy. Or at least all of us kids were happy.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I was about 7 and my parents explained the deception.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
We usually spend Christmas Eve with my dad's side of the family and open their presents then. Then on Christmas Day we spend it with my mom's side.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
We decorate my parents' tree with all of our ornaments collected from years past. I have some that are from when I was born. We all have our own separate boxes of decorations and ornaments. We have the plastic fake popcorn on strings, and the sparkly fake gumballs as well. In the end, our Christmas tree has kind of a comfy homey look.

11. Favorite Christmas movie?
Love Actually has actually become one of my favorites.

12. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
I like snow, but I'd never want to live in it for too long. Snowed in is fine when you have nothing to do but drink hot chocolate and eat food and vacation, but I'm sure it's a pain in the ass when you can't get to work.

13. Can you ice skate?
yes. we used to go alot to the Galleria in Dallas.

14. Do you remember your favorite gift?
Man, I can't pick just one. My whole family (close and extended) usually gets me alot of nice things. The year my parents got me alot of apartment stuff though was great. Amazon and other wishlists have made it alot easier now.

15. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Our holidays were usually always fun and happy up until a few years ago when alot of shit went down between my parents. Now I'm just happy that we can still get together in one place and at least act like we get along. I really miss those days when everything seemed so nice.

16. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
Pumpkin Pie, homemade Sugar Cookies!

17. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
we used to do a calendar on our wall that counted down to Christmas. that was always fun. now we dont do much of anything.

18. What tops your tree?
A big angel that has a lighted candle

19. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
both. i have always enjoyed giving gifts. i wish i could do it more, and I'm only just now getting financially independent enough to where I can do that.

20. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
"Holy Shit! It's Christmas!" Red Peters
"Blue Christmas" as done by Porky Pig
"Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" as done by CKY
"Greensleeves"/"What Child Is This" Traditional

21. Candy Canes?
Yes please.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Thu, 20 Apr 2006 08:41:05 GMT

abundant supply of tshirts... check
plenty of bluejeans... check
clean underwears... check
at least 2 pairs of shoes... check
makeup... check
necessities... check
mp3 player fully loaded, including new Dresdent Dolls album... check
throbbing eye pain... check, unfortunately
sketchbooks... check
pencils and pens... check
Airborne supplements... check

looks like i'm ready to go.

See you guys next Tuesday. I'm off to California for a tournament job.

:)

but it's not then, it's now

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 17:37:41 GMT

we look at each other through glassy eyes
one glazed over from dreams
the other from screams
you and me we never agree it seems

but we agree on each other
for some strange reason we never lose
the feeling that we're stuck
together in this limbo

you might not understand me
or me you
but me and you
we have explaining to do
once the dreams are gone
and the screams die down
you and me never agree only

but it's not then, it's now i say
but if not then, then when you say
but it's not then, it's now i said
but if not then, then why you cry

am i really that cold
i can't think of you without you here
because if i do all i have to hold
is this creeping sense of fear

but you know it's just not the same
we can still play this game
and you can dream
while i scream
you and me never agree fully

but it's not then, it's now i say
but if not then, then how you say
but it's not then, it's now i plea
but if not then, you don't see

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 19:16:17 GMT

There is a child sleeping near his twin
The pictures go wild in a rush of wind
That dark angel he is shuffling in
Watching over them with his black feather wings unfurled

The love you lost with her skin so fair
Is free with the wind in her butterscotch hair
Her green eyes blew goodbyes
With her head in her hands
and your kiss on the lips of another
Dream Brother with your tears scattered round the world.

Don't be like the one who made me so old
Don't be like the one who left behind his name
'Cause they're waiting for you like I waited for mine
And nobody ever came...

Don't be like the one who made me so old
Don't be like the one who left behind his name
'Cause they're waiting for you like I waited for mine
And nobody ever came...

Don't be like the one who made me so old
Don't be like the one who left behind his name
'Cause they're waiting for you like I waited for mine
Nobody ever came
Nobody ever...

I feel afraid and I call your name
I love your voice and your dance insane
I hear your words and I know your pain
With your head in your hands and her kiss on the lips of another
Your eyes to the ground and the world spinning round forever
Asleep in the sand with the ocean washing over
Asleep in the sand with the ocean washing over
Asleep in the sand with the ocean washing over

Ah do you meet the one I love
and smell the one who loves you
Dream brother, dream brother, dream, dream
dream asleep in the sand with the ocean washing over

Monday, February 13, 2006

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 17:06:30 GMT

For people in the Shreveport area, only:

If there were to be an actual "Talk Like A Pirate" Party on September 19, you would:
A. Attend in costume (Arrrrr, pirates be hot).
B. Attend, but no costume (I just like the freakshow!).
C. Attend and Promote (flyers, bulletins, word of mouth).
D. Not Attend, but Promote. (a valiant choice)
E. Not Attend, not Promote. (sod off, wankers!)
F. Attend, Promote, and Help with planning. (thank you!)
G. Help with planning.

please, let me know your choice either by comment or telling me. these are always fun.
i went to one in college and had a great time.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 17:19:49 GMT

and we don't need to satisfy
tonight
so get your eyes off of my bride
tonight

i've had far too much coffee and woke up far too early, but i made about a $250 sale so, it's all good. some guy drove in from Longview looking for a replica sabre (similiar to this) to engrave for his son's birthday this weekend.

anyway, i'm really really really really wired. to the point of distraction. i almost left my apartment unlocked when i left. this is why i don't function well in the morning. i'm either way too sleepy or way too wired from coffee.

so i was thinking in my state of caffiene-induced dementia this morning, alot of people dog Shreveport because it's nowhere near the size of Dallas and it's not as cool as New Orleans was. the sad thing is, it's true, but it's no reason to hate on a town that has potential. Sure the potential isn't even being tapped here yet, but i think mainly that's because everyone who has the ability to make it into something better either shortchanges it or has too many hangups on what we could do to make it better here. i was talking to an older black gentleman last night at Joe's and we were discussing how sad it is that there are so many talented musicians and artists and other people here with no way out! he asked me why i wasn't singing with a group or band or something and i told him it'd be the extent of blowing hot air. yeah, we might get a little recognition around town with a select few people who actually support the music scene around here, but compared on a larger scale, we'd be what they call in church "preaching to the choir." that's what i feel like alot of talented musicians are doing here now. they never travel beyond their comfortable ark-la-tex area to expand.

if i ever were to join or start a band, i know i'd either have to live in New Orleans (once it's rebuilt to an extent to be affordable for artists again), or move somewhere more conducive to new artists like Austin, LA, San Francisco, NY, Nashville, anywhere-but-here, etc.

anyway, back to the subject. i was on the phone with a friend the other night and his friend got the phone for a second and was (obviously jokingly, but with a tinge of seriousness) dogging Shreveport. "Shreveport doesn't have a downtown...." "There's nothing interesting..." "(insert his favorite city) is so much better..." blahblahblah... and i was kind of offended that someone i didn't even know who had never lived here or really probably even tried to find anything to do here was so openly bashing it.

i grew up in this city and swore (in vain obviously) to myself in college that i would never live here on a long term basis, if it killed me! look, here i am, living in the city i was born and raised in and liking it fairly well. don't get me wrong, Shreveport has it's MAJOR hangups, but overall, this is a nice place to live, raise your kids, enjoy your friends, have a life, and a job. NO, it's not New Orleans or Dallas or Austin or even Little Rock (which i considered moving to after college, another city that's not given due credit just because it's in friggin Arkansas), but this is the city where i've cried, loved, lied, laughed, grown, hurt, and probably will die.

i want to live in different cities eventually, but never for a long term basis. i will most likely always make like a homing pigeon and return here. some of you who knew me in college must be thinking that i'm totally insane because you saw how adamant i was about not moving back here. heh. it makes me laugh about how stupid i was.

as much as i hate some aspects of this city (gambling boats, frat boys, stale music scene, corrupted politicians, etc.), there are some aspects of it that i just can't toss aside (my wonderful friends, my family-they all live within 15-30 miles of me, the apartment i live in, the low cost of living, etc).

so bash this little city all you want. you won't be taking it from me. i will do everything in my power to make this city a place you'll want to come. wherein maybe 20 years you'll be coming here for a life instead of driving to Dallas or Houston.

/end rant